


"I fell in love with the fire long ago"

by TheyreInLoveYourHonor



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Getting Together, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mentioned Hinata Shouyou, Mutual Pining, My First Fanfic, Not Beta Read, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:28:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27963788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheyreInLoveYourHonor/pseuds/TheyreInLoveYourHonor
Summary: All he knew was that he wanted to confess before graduation. If he messed up and waited too long, the chance of Kenma reciprocating his feelings would dissipate. Even if Kenma had feelings for him too, if he didn't confess until he was in college, they would probably end up agreeing to wait to avoid long-distance. Or something dumb like that.OrJust another KuroKen confession fic.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Kudos: 43





	"I fell in love with the fire long ago"

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic!! I know the story's concept isn't very original, but I love these characters and I love reading fics where they confess and get together, so I decided to write a fic like this to get a good feel of AO3 and character writing as well. Constructive criticisim is very welcome and appreciated! I hope you all enjoy it!

Kuroo knew he wasn't like most people. 

Kuroo was good at chemistry and most other school subjects without much effort. He always seemed to know what to say; weather he was trying to provoke or convince others, he was almost always successful. He was exceptional at picking up on small details and mannerisms. 

Despite all of his intelligence and intuition, he was still an idiot sometimes. He had a tendency to face problems alone, and bottle up his emotions. He was an overzealous people pleaser that ironically didn't like people nearly as much as he let on. He was afraid of change as well. Which led him to his current predicament.

A hand was waved in front of his face while he heard Yaku say something about zoning out.

"Hm?" Kuroo managed to say. "What were you talking about?" 

The Nekoma third years were standing outside the gym after another morning of volleyball practice. The sky was a sea of light gray, despite the time. The sun hidden, the breeze light. 

"Don't be stupid. We were talking about graduation and you zoned out again. But don't worry, I'm sure what you're thinking about is very important." Yaku droned, in a definetly sarcastic tone.

"Nope. I was just wondering if I could stoop to your level if I crouched low enough." Kuroo replied, provoking him right back.

"You wish you could you stupid skyscraper!"

"Seriously though, are you doing okay?" Kai interjected, bringing a voice of reason to the other two's banter.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I've just been wondering about college and stuff, I guess." 

"Ah, me too. I'm going to miss everyone on the team."

"Yeah." Yaku sighed.  
They continued chatting for a while longer until the morning bell sounded and they went to class.

Kruoo, of course, did have a lot to think about in terms of graduating. He was mostly plagued by thoughts of how Kenma will do next year. He's sure Kenma will be fine, of course. He's not helpless or anything, but that's not what is bothering Kuroo. Though he's been trying to not admit it to himself; he's worried that Kenma will be completely happy. Specifically, he's worried Kenma will be happier when he isn't around as much. It's a silly thought, he knows, but it doesn't keep the anxieties away. 

Will Kenma be happier when he doesn't have to listen to Kuroo monolouge about things he's never taken interest in? Will he be happier when he has more alone time? Will he meet new friends, new people who he likes more than Kuroo? Will he start dating someone? Kenma has never really expressed his interest in anyone to Kuroo before, so he doesn't know what would happen if Kenma does meet someone special. Someone more special than Kuroo. 

He wonders if Kenma will decide to date Shoyo. Kenma had taken to him quite quickly, so it could make sense. Kuroo wonders if the reason Kenma hadn't already gone out with Shoyo is because he was there. He was some sort of barrier, keeping Kenma from having more, doing more. He was the one holding all of Kenma's free time in his own calloused hands, he was the one there listening to Kenma talk about the newest game that he wants to preorder as soon as possible; he's the one that allows Kenma to pour all of his anxieties and thoughts into. He was the one forming these inescapable chains of codependency that are holding Kenma down.

Kenma remembers how things were back when they were children. Kuroo was shy and secluded when they first met, but Kenma finally got the privilege to see him grow and change into who he was today. Kenma was so grateful for that. 

He didn't want Kuroo to leave for college, of course. Why would he? He wanted to have a little more time with him this close. He knew thinking such things was only his selfishness speaking, but he couldn't deny himself of the fantasies and hopeless wishes.

He wants more morning and evening walks to and from school. He desperately wants to spend more time being able to see Kuroo's sharp, kind features illuminated by the contrasting soft colors of the sunrise and sunset. He wanted at least a hundred more weekend night where they could pull all-nighters for the fun of it. The feeling of all societal norms slowly crumbling beneath the dim light in either of their rooms as the clock ticks on was an emotion he could never rid himself of. The "acceptable" amount of time to stare into your best friend's eyes stretched itself. The "standard" amount of space between two guys allowed before it became awkward began to fade, as they listened to music or watched movies until the outside streetlights switched off and the world was once again covered in sweet, harsh sunlight. 

He wanted one more chance to confess, because he knew one more chance was all he needed.

Kuroo knew he wasn't like most people. Most people ignore Kenma. He tries to go unnoticed, after all. He was content with being a background character in everyone else's narrative. Being in the spotlight and standing out made him uncomfortable, and most people are fine with this, they live their lives without bothering to know him. Most people don't marvel at the way bleach blonde hair can seem to glow in the right lighting. Most people don't know how a single brush of a tiny hand on thier arm can somehow make them feel as if they were being boiled alive, even if snow was swirling all around them. Most people don't know what it's like to have all of the air stolen from their lungs with a single golden glance.

Most people don't know what it's like to wake up to the smell of smoke . Most people don't know what it's like to have a blazing wildfire at their doorstep. A never-ending expanse of bright, hungry flames. Flames that showed up unexpectedly, at the moment they were least welcome. Flames that engulfed Kuroo's entire being, until there seemed to be nothing left of the man he was before the fire met his skin. Flames of pain, hurt, tears, and memories that wrapped their way around Kuroo's fragile heart until it's steady beat was suffocated. Flames of yearning, sleepless nights, and words that died on Kuroo's tounge the moment they appeared. Flames of adoration for the boy next door. Flames of love for his childhood best friend.

Most people didnt know what being in love with Kenma felt like. The hopelessness, the pining, the stolen glances when his head was buried in any of his various handheld gaming consoles. But Kuroo wasn't like most people, after all. He knew exactly what it felt like to be consumed by the fire. And Kuroo wouldn't let the chance of Kenma feeling anything similar to what he feels slip away.

Kuroo spent way too long debating what the best way to break the news would be. All he knew was that he wanted to confess before graduation. If he messed up and waited too long, the chance of Kenma reciprocating his feelings would dissipate. Even if Kenma had feelings for him too, if he didn't confess until he was in college, they would probably end up agreeing to wait to avoid long-distance. Or something dumb like that, Kuroo thought. 

After school had ended, Kenma and Kuroo were in Kenma's bedroom, as usual, both of them sitting on Kenma's bed. Night had fallen and the soft moonlight beaming into the room through the window was casting an ethereal glow across all of Kenma's features. That, mixed with the slight purple light from whatever game Kenma happened to be playing, and the LED lights strung up around the corners of the room was a perfect blend of color that cast dramatic shadows on everything the light touched. To Kuroo's opinion, it made Kenma look like some sort of angel, or better yet, some sort of god. 

He stared at Kenma for a good amount of time, wishing more than anything he could pause the flow of time and stay there forever. His book long forgotten, he flops onto his back and gazes towards the ceiling instead. He was so screwed. There was no way he could screw this up. 

Kenma scowled at Kuroo's sprawled-out figure taking up the rest of the bed. He knew that Kuroo rightfully had a lot on his mind with graduation coming up, but he was still upset Kuroo wouldn't talk to him about it. They would usually share their worries without hesitation, whether it be about volleyball, the future, or pretty much anything else. Well, he didn't necessarily share everything with Kuroo. He has never told him about his feelings, after all. The feelings he's had for Kuroo for the better half of his years in high school. But now, hearing Kuroo gently sigh to himself in defeat every few minutes was driving Kenma crazy. Why should Kuroo be keeping anything from him, even if he has done the same? It's ridiculous.

"Excited for graduation?" Kenma finally asked.

Kuroo scoffed. "Yes, very."

"So it is graduation that's bothering you, then?" Kenma said, pausing his game and looking back at Kuroo who sat close behind him.

"Yeah, I guess." Kuroo shrugged. "It's not a big deal or anything, I've just been thinking about what next year will be like."

Of course he was. "Yeah. You know you can talk to me about it though."

"I know. I just- it's stupid anyways." Kuroo met Kenma's piercing gaze, Kenma raising an eyebrow, telling him wordlessly that he should get on with it, weather it's stupid or not. "Will you miss me?" He finally managed. Yikes. That wasn't exactly what he was trying to say, but it was a start, Kuroo thought. 

"Are you stupid?" Kenma started, but backed off once he saw Kuroo's downcast expression. "Of course I'll miss you, is that really what you've been worried about? Me not missing you?"

"Well, kind of." Kuroo said. He had to keep going, it was now or never. "I was just wondering if maybe you'll be better off... without me around as much." He finished.

Kenma was turned around completely now, irritation painted all over his face. For someone who got such good grades and was genuinely pretty intelligent, Kuroo could be pretty irrational at times, he thought.  
"Alright, now there's no debating it, you are stupid. Do you seriously think that I'd be any better off without you?"

"Maybe." Kuroo answered softly, even though the way Kenma was talking about it seemed to disprove his thoughts then and there.

Kenma was now the one to start sighing. "Well I don't think I will be. They say the last year of high school is supposed to be the best, but I know it won't amount to anything significant if you arent there with me." 

Kuroo's eyes widened, though avoiding making eye contact, as he swallowed, trying to get his dry throat and lips to say something, anything.

"Ah." Was all he choked out. Damn it, He thought. He urged himself to keep going. "I'm going to miss you too Kenma. I don't know how I'm going to manage not being able to see you every day. I'm going to miss you so much." He'd already said that, but it slipped out again. "I don't want to graduate." Kuroo finished. He still hadn't said the three words he had been aiming to say, but he was dreading it too much. If he had just a little more time, he wouldn't have to say it. He wouldn't have to hastily confess and leave mere weeks after. He hated that Kenma and him were a year apart. He just wanted one more year. One more year of pining for Kenma in peace; one more year, so he could do it right. 

Kenma could hear the palpable unwillingness to graduate in Kuroo's voice, and he wasn't sure if he should feel happy or upset.  
"You're going to do great in college Kuroo. I wish we could have another year to spend in high school together but we don't. We'll get by. I'll still talk to you all the time. It's not like we're going to cut all ties with each other." Kenma promised. He saw that Kuroo's face was still turned down and away from him, until he started to reach out. 

Kuroo saw Kenma reaching towards his face, and looked up to him just before Kenma's hand reached his cheek. He was smiling softly, but it didn't make the tears that his face also donned any less noticable.  
"Yeah, I know." He sniffed. "I love you." Kuroo said, his voice so quiet that Kenma wouldn't have caught any of the words if Kuroo wasn't looking right at him. He wished he could take it back right after he said it. Kenma started laughing. He was laughing at his confession, no doubt. Kuroo began to laugh too. At first out of embarrassment. He wondered if he could play it off as some sort of joke.

"Alright then, if you're gonna laugh at it, I'm just taking it back!" Kuroo choked out.

"No, you better not take it back! It's too late!"

"It's embarrassing! I shouldn't have even said anything in the first place-" 

"What, and let me say it instead? Yuck. Thanks for taking initiative, idiot."

"I'm sorry, what?"

Kenma was still chuckling away, but he was able to clarify. "I was dreading having to confess to you, so thanks."

Kuroo didn't know what to say. He was extremely happy that Kenma felt the same way, but he was disappointed in himself that he hadn't confessed sooner. His tears had finally subsided, and he was laughing for real now. He met Kenma's gaze and nearly died then and there from being so confused and happy. 

Kenma got up from the spot he was sitting just to sit back down, closer after he grabbed his controller and pressed a button on it to ensure his console doesn't turn off from the lack of activity.

"Be my boyfriend?" He asked. 

"Absolutely."

"Even if you're going to be gone next year?"

"Of course."

"Good."

"It will be different next year though."

"So what?"

Kuroo paused for a second, thinking. "You're still okay with us being long distance?"

"Of course I am."

Kuroo smiled. "Good."

He leaned towards Kenma a bit more and settled his face in the crook of Kenma's neck. Kenma wrapped his arms around Kuroo's abdomen and leaned in as well. He smelled like laundry detergent and Kuroo thought it was amazing. His heart was still pounding in his chest, but the comfort of being there next to Kenma, next to his boyfriend, better yet, was perfect.

The two sat like that for a while, unmoved by the passage of time, the movement of the moon as it got later, and Kenma's console deciding to switch off anyways. It didn't matter. All that was important in that moment was the way each other felt in their arms. Graduation was going to suck, but it takes a lot more than a one year difference to separate people like them. They're sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this!! I hope you enjoyed it, and as I said at the beginning, constructive criticism is very much appreciated. The name of this fic and some elements of it are based off of the song "Would That I" by Hozier, and I very strongly suggest you listen to it as well. I had fun writing this, and I will hopefully be publishing more works here soon.


End file.
